My cry is to know him

What is man, that thou art mindful of him?

Father I do not understand what you are trying to convey unto me. I have not willed this day but you have awoken my Spirit to beat me into motion. I stand in your Holy courts waiting for the Majesty to approach me. Grace befalls me and mercy endures with me. Neither are of my own doing but the love you have for me exacerbates this process.

Father forgive me for I sinned in your presence. Every idle word I have used; I have allowed my tongue to get the better of me. I curse men with your precious breath and I bless them the same. What good is my blessing when I have cursed another. What fruitfulness will I pertain if my heart yearns for evil of another. How can I control this evil that dwells so deep within the very fabric of my soul? By your breath I became a living soul and by your time I will stop. Dust I shall return because by dust you formed me. Lord one thing I ask is that you savour the sweetness of my Spirit and deliver it unto your own will. Whether I be damned or saved, whatever your pleasure for my Spirit is, do away with it. It is all for your purpose.

My Lord God, who am I that you are so mindful of? What have I done that pleases you so much that you stepped off your throne to come and live for me. Why am I so important to your heart that you gaze upon me with such pleasure? I am but a worm in your presence. An undeserving worm who schemes evil doings in his own heart. Who imagines evil for others at a blink of the second. Though I strive to do good for others, when the moments of floods arrive evil takes heart quicker than a bird’s squeak. Only you know my heart and therefore only you know how deep evil has covered it.

My words are words of discomfort and without your righteouness, my goodness is like a filthy rag in your presence. Your word tells me to be strong and courageous, yet I squeak like a little girl at the sight of a mere mice. What mightiest then is there to be found in me? What courage or goodness is there to be used in me when fear has taken hold as if a sick old man is drawing his last breath. Foolishness leads my way and vanity is all I pray. Wisdom yes I crave yet drunkenness is all I pave. I worship you day and night with my vain words of praise, I kneel asking for mercy with my vain songs of praise. Hate consumes my heart faster than a bullet can say bite, yet I stand in your presence waiting for your grace.

Who am I that you are so mindful of, that you will not leave me to drown in the sickness of my being. Born to bare your image and likeness, yet I conform striving to be like others in this passing world. Born to praise your Holy name, yet I find pleasure in the names of dead men. Born to speak your everlasting words yet all my eyes read are vain and evil words. Am I you or are you me? Am I hate or is hate me? None can explain how much hurt goes through my body except my own Spirit who shows it to me.

All in all, I strive through day and night because somewhere out there, your love manages to reach me every step of the way. This is how I know who I am….

Your love tells me that I am made for greatness despite all my imperfections. Your love transports me to all manner of places despite my inability to travel. Your love draws nearer and nearer every time my evil ways get deeper and deeper. Your love gazes at me like a new born baby and kisses me fervently like a new married bride. Your love hates the things that I do, immediately alerting me not to do it again. Your love corrects me in all my ways and teaches me day by day how to praise. Your love tells me stories of you and how you came to be. Your love illuminates my night sky and grants me mercy every time I fall from grace.

Who am I that you are so mindful of me? I am your son who was lost in the wilderness and came to find you by the flowing river. I am your word that went astray and came to hear your voice so my path will be made straight again. I am your light that was supposed to shine but in sending your own light, you entered to shine in me. I am your love who knew you of old but fallen from grace we have married again. I am your pleasure who failed to see your pleasure but now I seek no other pleasure.

Who am I? my name is Man and I was made to seek you only. My ways are yours and my sight is yours. My words are yours and my creation is yours. My love is yours and my breath is yours. You are certainly me and I am certainly you. The only difference is, you rule and I follow. And to be honest Father, that is all I ever wanted to be. Thank you for loving me and never giving up on me. From now on I will seek your face and only your face will I seek. I will shout your name and only your name will I shout. I will walk your ways and your ways will I only walk. Your work is good and perfect; therefore, I am also made whole. Today is the day I have heard and harkened to the voice of the Lord and today is the day I am made whole. I love you Father, Glory and all honour is with you and you alone. Thank you Jesus. Amen