At your feet

“No hay lugar más alto, más grande. Que ester a tus pies”


My sin has been strengthened by my inability to separate law from love

My pain has nailed my King to the cross and I still search for more ways to cause him pain

My disobedience has spat, spiked, struck, stamped and crushed my beloved to the ground

Unable to stand, I still take that brick to repeatedly beat him again and again

My shame he has carried, yet I still mock him openly, I despise his kindness and I turn it into envy

My name he has already called but though I hear him, I choose to run with his enemies, I choose to not follow him

My sin, he remembers no more, oh but how I love to crucify him afresh

I have hated him with a perfect hate. Though I call on his name, I have not heeded to his ways

I stand by his throne and openly deny him day after day, yet my King remains faithful

I laugh at him, I shout abuse and hurl words of discontent, yet my beloved never leaves my side

I stumble at his instruction, I choose fear instead of trust, yet he never loses hope in my ability to seek him

A Pharisee, a hypocrite, a publican, a heathen, an adulterer, hate, greed, lies and worst of all a murderer

All these things I have found pleasure in doing and becoming

Why then O Lord do you still chase after me like a father chases after the first steps of his new born?

Why beloved, why do you hold me, and wash me continuously when daily I carry the stench of a filthy whore?

Haven’t I whored myself to your enemies, haven’t I disguised myself as one of them?

Haven’t I ignored the work of your hands and worshipped my own?

All these things I have done, yet you lie beside me every morning and whisper peace into the depths of my soul

I have hated you with a perfect heart because I still can’t fathom this love

What depths, what height, what breadth. Father the mere fact that you love me this much allows me to hate you even more

Does this mean I don’t see you, does this mean I don’t hear you, does this mean I don’t feel every soft touch of your grace

Quite the contrary my Lord, it is because I see, feel, hear and know your ways, that is what allows me to cheat on my bridegroom

Can we go back to the days when I stayed still. Can we walk the ancient paths when I didn’t know what path to take?

Can I be a child again? Can I desire the move of God without having some wild wolf waiting to consume my self-righteousness?

Jesus, you are right! They are wolves, the whole pack of them. They watch and lie wide awake at night, prowling to see what vulnerable they can consume

Pride leads their feet; false humility is their meat. They speak the words of the Kingdom but they block the children from entering

Love? What love is there? What love have they shown? Only spoken in words but never spoken in action

Peace? what peace is there? False encouragement only to fade away when left alone in your own misery

Jesus, how did we come to this? How have I stepped so far off the narrow path. It is soooooo wide now that I can go anywhere

They say I am blessed, they say thus says the Lord, they say because I am faithful, I am walking in your ways

But Father, how can man be faithful when I have never even known faithfulness

How can I be worthy when my heart and my thoughts are filled with lust, hate, envy, self-will and pride

Don’t they understand that you are the only good one? Don’t they understand that we are to wait for the Holy one

Don’t they understand that to wait in hope of you is to be still with you. So why do they still seek a sign?

Why do they pray to be seen to pray, why do they evangelise to be seen to evangelise, why do they lie to gain?

You told me to love you with my whole being, that I have failed

You told me to love my neighbour as thyself, that I have failed

You told me to believe in your Son, that I have failed

So, what could possibly save me?

Holy Spirit I thank you for coming

I thank you for speaking truth in me

I thank you for carrying me and I thank you for being with me

Holy Spirit I thank you that you have comforted and convicted me through all my disobedience

Holy Spirit I thank you that you work righteousness in my stead

Holy Spirit I thank you for acquiring faith, love and hope for me

Who am I that you are so mindful of me? That you will come down to hold me up till Jesus comes

O’ Emmanuel, Now I understand

I am not Holy, I am not perfect, I am a sinner and I will always be a sinner

But Jesus, this new man you have set within me, He is faithful towards you

He listens to you and he wars the warfare on my behalf

Now I understand Father that without you I can do nothing

Now I understand that the Spirit of God has carried my soul into salvation

Now I know

That to be a son is to be a servant first. To be seated next to you is to bow at your feet

That to be king is to be your watch man and to preach the gospel is to be the good news for others

Now I know, I cannot love any neighbour of mine until I except and understand your love for me

Now I know that it is and has never been by my might, nor power that I have been saved, but it has solely been by your Spirit

The Spirit of life that raised Christ from the dead is the same Spirit that is quickening me every day

Though my flesh hates you Father, my Spirit, your Spirit loves you

Though my eyes lust after what you hate, there is another member, the cornerstone himself, the head of my church, he sets my new eyes on things not seen

Oh, Father now I understand

That the just live by faith and not by sight

So, though I may fright, though I may be troubled on every side, Oh, Father, though I am perplexed by every crippling thought

Though I am cast down and persecuted by them all, I shall not waver because I live by faith

Your eyes tell me not to despair, your eyes show me that I will not be destroyed, your eyes tell me that the blood of the Lamb has already overcome

Who is a good and faithful servant?

It is he that when his master has gone on a long journey, remains faithful in watching over the house hold

It is he who has learnt the ways and sounds of his Lord’s footsteps, so he may be quick to meet his Master upon his arrival

Who am I?

I am the man given one talent, and though I have gone away and hidden mine so deep into the ground. My Lord was still faithful to remind me that his mercy still endures, so I better go and make my talent of use

Because brethren, there is nothing more fulfilling than hearing the Lord Jesus Christ saying “well done my good and faithful servant”.

Praise oh ye heavens and sing songs of joy all those on the earth, bow down and worship Him for the Lord your God has come. Amen


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s